Unfulfilled Potential

Unfulfilled potential. My curse in life. I was supposed to go to Stanford. I was supposed to be some kind of entrepreneurial genius and wear designer suits and have a penthouse in Manhattan. I was supposed to rule the world because I'm pretty, I'm smart, and I'm confident.

I used to be able to do some serious math in my head on the fly. No more. I used to read 3 books a week. Mmmmmm, now it's more like a month. I used to have engaging conversations with adults about subjects, like politics, religion, and more importantly, those entrepreneurial dreams of mine. I always had an idea that I wanted to turn into a business.

Examples: I wanted to start an after school program for the kids of parents that want them to learn about all religions and their history. One hour a week to give kids a more well-rounded education and a historical perspective that isn't being taught in public schools.

I wanted to start a concierge business in Buckhead for people who needed their dry cleaning picked up, or couldn't sit around all day waiting for the cable guy, or who couldn't get home at lunch one day to walk their dog because they were stuck in a meeting. Hire cute college kids in matching t-shirts and provide a whatever/whenever service for everyone.

Then there was the nail place. I hate getting my nails done. It's like a chore. It takes forever and it's never fun because you sit there with an awkward smile on your face while a woman intimately touches and massages your feet. So you either hide behind a magazine the whole time, embarrassed, and feeling guilty or you try and make small talk with her while she pretends to care that your best friend got a boob job and now one of her nipples points due north. I wanted to open a nail salon that was more like a spa with chairs that had their own TV screens with headphones, wi-fi in the whole salon and a strict "no-talking" policy so that no woman would feel guilty for not making the aforementioned small talk.

But instead of Stanford it was UGA (Go Dawgs!) for me. I graduated, worked for a while, talked about all of those great ideas and yet never did anything important or even memorable, partied my ass off, got married, partied some more and then became a mom. It's been 6 years since I held a full-time job and I feel like it's been that long since I've used my brain. My brain is mush and other than the couple of times a week I bamboozle myself into thinking I can beat my husband at Jeopardy there is no brain building/expanding/training going on in the Gilgallon household. And I heard somewhere that people that do not actively keep their brains engaged are at a much greater risk of developing Alzheimer's Disease. Downer!


I felt for a long time that I had let people down by never achieving any of my "supposed to's". I felt I had let myself down and my Dad and even my sister a little bit even though her only motivation is to see me be my best. But this is what I realized today: All of those "supposed to's" weren't MY "supposed to's". I love being a Bulldawg. I hated corporate life, I'm a big ideas person, not a "run-my-own-company" person and after living in New York, San Francisco and San Diego at different intervals I ALWAYS come back to Atlanta, because I love it. So instead of feeling guilty and feeling like I've wasted my potential, I am now going to write my own "supposed to's".

I am supposed to be happy. I am supposed to do something I love. I am supposed to be a good wife, mother, sister, daughter, granddaughter, friend and I am supposed to fill up my own potential. The end.